On Behalf of the Company: Here's Your Watch...

...Don't Let the Door Hit You Where the Good Lord Split You!

In case you missed it, last week's US NEWS AND WORLD REPORT had a long story encouraging Baby Boomers not to retire! Wait a minute here. NOT RETIRE? You've got to be kidding me! You mean to tell me that I can no longer count down the days until I no longer have to work with people like this:

"I need that report on my desk by Monday. Hey, have you seen my bong?"

Well, in fairness to US NEWS etc., they did have some valid points. Their reasons are as follows (Emphasis, their's; Comments, mine):

1. It literally pays to work, and MONEY can buy peace of mind.
   Because the longer you wait to retire, the greater the chances that there will be no Social Security--which means no money or peace of mind. Yeah. Thanks for that, by the way.
   
   
2. The Economy may face a SHORTAGE of qualified workers.
   After all, your generation has outsourced all of the other jobs that would qualify workers to do your jobs. Thanks again!
   
   
3. Working can boost your HEALTH, keeping you active and sharp.
   You're still going to die. Sorry. Hey, at least this way the rest of us can bet on whether you will "shuffle off this mortal coil" at your desk, or "run down the curtain and join the choir invisible" in the shitter. I want to put $20 on the shitter!
   
   
4. Your MARRIAGE may profit from a little less togetherness.
   God knows, anything to spend time away from Mrs. Potatohead!
   
   
5. Without those pesky E-mails, you'd feel a loss of CONNECTION
   Heaven forbid, you'd actually have to talk to your spouse!
   
   
6. You can use this time of your life for a whole NEW BEGINNING
   In Florida. With everyone else who has outlived their usefulness.
   
   
7. Work may add MEANING to your later life
   Especially since its the only source of meaning in your current life
   

(If you are interested in reading the full article, and I'm sure you are, click here to go to USNews.com.)

Seriously! This is the way nature intended things to be! You start work full of ambition. You get set in your ways. You rise to your own level of incompetence. You screw things up. And then: You retire! Leaving a mess for the next generation to clean up. And trust me, the Baby Boomer generation has left quite a mess. You've done your job and then some. Now go!

I mean, my generation has to go into work, listen to your whacked out ideas and pretend that they are the best thing we've ever heard all the while in the back of our minds thinking "One day, this burn out will retire and we can fix this." Now we need to wait until you DIE??!

"I was doing your job when Reagan was President. I know how things are supposed to be."

If you hang in there for even ten years past your prime, you are continuing to do indelible damage while at the same time reducing the amount of time we have to fix it. You are disrupting progress! Besides, by that point you will have taken our generation's love for our jobs, aborted it, cut it into tiny pieces and fed it back to us. While all we can do is say "Mmm, yummy."

Oh wait. You've done that already.

Here's your watch. Now go!