The MacGyver Guide to Office Survival

Each and every day we are faced with one or more difficult situations from which there is no apparent escape. But after a careful analysis of these situations, I have found that escape is indeed possible. All we need to do is take a few cues from our good friend: MacGyver.

"A paperclip can be a wondrous thing. More times than I can remember, one of these has gotten me out of a tight spot."

What follows are just a few of the possible difficult situations you may find yourself in at the office and a helpful MacGyverism to get you through it. While it would be impossible to list every situation and how to free yourself, hopefully this list will inspire you to use your own ingenuity to free yourself from any sticky situation.

You have a presentation to give and you haven't completed the PowerPoint file!


There is no need to panic. Prior to the meeting locate the circuit breaker for the building. After locating the breaker for the room the meeting will be in (this may require a little trial and error) all you need to do is set up a time-delayed device to flip the switch! You should have a bottle of water, a stick and some string. Set up the stick like a level and attach the bottle of water to one end of the stick and the breaker switch to the other using the string. Poke a hole in the bottle so that the water drains out. If you time this correctly, it should throw the switch just before you get to the unfinished part of your presentation. As an added bonus the lights will go out, giving you an opportunity to escape undetected.



You're having a conference call and you know your boss is going to come by for an impromptu meeting at your desk after it is done!


Again, fear not. This one does take a little planning. During the call, quickly but carefully begin seperating the rubber from the cloth in the elastic waistband of your underwear. Don't lose this because it will be VERY important. In fact, you should be reminded of its importance by the sudden lack of support you are getting from your undergarments. Now, set this aside. Immediately after the call ends disassemble the phone. Take out the bullets you took from the guard on your way in (you did remember to take bullets from the guard, right?) Pull the bullets apart and sprinkle the gunpowder in the phone. Reassemble and email a coworker, instructing them to call you in two minutes. As soon as your boss arives you should get a phone call and the phone should explode. Use the chaos as a diversion and run for the window, tie one end of the elastic to something sturdy and the other end to your belt and jump, using the elastic as a bungee. Once on the ground, run for your life.



You've just received an email informing you that your deadline has been moved from two weeks away to TWO DAYS away!


Again, remain calm. Go to the bathroom and remove the metal faucet from the sink. Bring this back to your desk and start winding it with copper cabling (you're in an office. That stuff is everywhere). Then connect the ends of the cable to two 12 volt batteries (there should be some in the supply closet). Place your new electromagnet on your PC and watch you problems go away!



You are on your way to a meeting where you are about to get blamed for something!


On your death march to the meeting, stop by the break room and get a coffee cup. Then head for the supply closet and fill the cup with ammonia. Take this with you to your meeting. As soon as you walk in, trip and spill it on the floor. Act embarrassed and start to clean it up. Work yourself up until you throw up. The acid in the vomit combined with the ammonia should create a thick fog allowing you to elude your pursuers. Even if it doesn't work, the smell should stun them.



You are required to attend a team-building event and the office is aware of your previous escape attempts!


This is going to require your most ingenious plan yet! Prior to the event you will need to acquire a few things (and these may not be readily available from the supply closet, but check there first)! You will need a mast bag, some water, helium, rope and some naval signal flags. Before the meeting starts, soak the mast bag in water to make it air-tight then fill it with helium. Tie off the end with the rope and attach four flags to the end, one for each letter in the word H-E-L-P. Release this prior to the event and hope for the best!

As you can see, there are a number of ways to get out of almost any situation you may find yourself in. All it takes is some quick thinking and a well stocked supply closet. If you don't have a well-stocked supply closet, you may want to pick some stuff up and keep it in a drawer. Expense it! List them as Miscellaneous Supplies. You won't regret it!

"If I had some duct tape, I could fix that. "